What Does The Future Hold?

I am constantly being inspired by something, or someone, or a bunch of things, or a bunch of people – I am constantly being inspired and it overwhelms me…

Sometimes I worry that it’s a bad thing. I am constantly being inspired by art, by architecture, by music, by a film, by writing, by other individuals who have reached a certain level of success in their lives that I can only dream about achieving. I am constantly being inspired and for some reason, it is weighing me down. Usually, when someone finds a passion in something, they decide that they are going to pursue it and act upon the instinct to achieve a goal that they have depicted they desire to accomplish, which then leads me to question what it is I am chasing, when in fact, I want to chase them all.

I want to write, I want to act, I want to sing and dance, I want to learn, I want to grow, and I want to do all the things in the world that my heart loves…

But I can’t. Because regardless of whether I believe dreams come true or not, all (approximately) 37 of my dreams cannot come true at this point in life. I can’t become an actor, a writer, a journalist, a lawyer and a psychologist all at once, despite nothing being impossible, I’m almost certain that attaining these paths in my life will definitely require a super-human ability in which, although I do want, do not have.

Nonetheless, although I struggle every second of everyday with this ongoing confusion that I am going to live a life of disappointment because I cannot do all the things that I want to do in life as career choices, does not mean I have to give them all up. Life is not about working (although it is a necessity of survival), I don’t have to be an actor to act, I don’t have to be a writer to write (that sounds strange, but you understand), I don’t have to necessarily know how to sing to be a singer and I don’t have to hold a degree of Psychology to portray a fascination in the way the mind works.

If there is one thing that I have gotten out of this torturous state of mind that I have placed myself in for many, many months – its that although I am lazy, I love to learn. I love to create. And I love life. I love life because I am given this opportunity to wake up in the morning, learn something new and create something out of it. And overall, isn’t that what life is about? It’s not about working – its about living. I use to wake up in the morning and be so upset that I was stuck in the suburbs rather than wake up to the view of the Hollywood sign outside my third story balcony, but then the question of whether or not I even wanted to wake up to the Hollywood sign because I LOVE LA, or because the idea of an actor having mansions and waking up to the stereotypical Hollywood sign in plain reach every morning was just something I was longing for.

I didn’t want to wake up to the view, heck, I could wake up to a brick wall in front of me and find it fascinating if it meant that I got to walk out and do what I loved doing.  There are days when I decide that I don’t love anything at all, and those days are the ones that get me down the most because deep down I know that I want to do things, and it’s the fact that I don’t know how to get them done that deteriorates any good motivation that ever crossed my mind to begin with. It’s like when I’m writing a story and I have all these words that I wish I could get written down, despite them probably not being good enough whatsoever for anyone to read, and not making sense to anyone other than myself because there’s around 8 different topics all combined into 3 sentences – because my mind is wondering and I don’t know how to control it. But isn’t that beautiful?

Isn’t it wonderful that the mind is staying so continuously active that it can’t form a coherent thought, it can’t form a sentence that makes enough sense to be put onto paper so it stays in your minds and forms another sentence that latches on to create the most powerful paragraph about how much you love life. And how much you love to write. And act. And study. And grow. And live! :)

If only I could wake up with amnesia and forget about a lot of the things I want to be when I grow up.

Financial District
Creative Commons License Photo Credit: Dirk Knight via Compfight

MELBOURNE LIGHTS

 

I arrive in Melbourne and head straight to the hotel we are staying at, CROWN Towers, the same hotel One Direction are staying at we are sitting on the bed and we are so bored and so we make sitting on a queen sized bed to having fun by jumping on the bed, and dancing in the plain white fluffy robes.

It’s time to start getting ready for the concert. Waiting for 3 other people to have a shower I am sitting on Twitter and Instagram and I see a new tweet saying “Just got a photo with One Direction down in the lobby of CROWN Towers” So I go to tell the others I am sharing my hotel room with so we all get our stuff together and leave our hotel room and don’t bother getting ready for the concert. We are running down the hallway and standing in the lift waiting extremely anxiously and the two heavy doors finally open and we sprint out into the lobby and look around and we do not see any Harry, Liam, Louis, Niall, or Zayn. :( …We just sit down on the chairs and we are all on our phones on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. WE wait 10 minutes and we see a tweet from @Louis_Tomlinson saying”Wow Rod Laver Arena! You are extremely big!!!!!!” Obviously they have arrived at the arena so I think we are out of luck. :( We better get to the arena early, you never know, we could see them walking around!

The concert has finished and I’m out on the deck of my hotel room at CROWN Towers. The flames beside the Yarra River appear as fast as fireworks on New Year’s Eve. The wonderful view from the wonderful 5 star hotel. Sky scrapers lit up like Times Square at night! The lights reflecting from the water beaming into my eyes like the sun on a 30 degree day. Does the bridge have lights on the road? Oh no, don’t worry, it’s just the hundreds of headlights of cars. The lights are like the sky filled up with stars at night like never before. All I can hear is the trams stopping, all I can see it lights flickering.

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FLICK! The power has gone off, All I can see is black black black black! I look back into the hotel, all of the lights are still on. Oh yeah! Almost forgot, its a 5 star hotel! I better go to bed now. But I can’t! I cannot go to sleep in total black! Our lights have a timer on them. I will need to wait for the power to come back on so then I can see the “TIMES SQUARE” again! The thing I believe in most is passion, I like the way someone talks to another person in a way of their own because they are so passionate about that topic! I have been waiting to go to Melbourne for about 18 months and I have talked to everyone  so passionately because it’s a passion of my own! The lights are back on. These lights are the thing I used to dream of growing up and it has finally come! It’s real! I’m looking at these flames on the bank of the Yarra River and seeing these lights in real life. I need to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming of what I used to! It’s like seeing Times Square in real life, even though I’ve only seen photos, but I imagine they would be similar! I would have the same reaction. I have been jaw dropped for nearly half an hour now and my jaw is starting to hurt. My jaw cannot lift back up yet because I am still amazed! It’s as if I just met my number one idol for the first time in my life! I wonder what other people think of this that are used to seeing this vision every night and those who have lived here their whole life.

The wonderful view of the Docklands and Southbank is just mag-nif-i-cent! This view is different in the mornings and at daytime because all of the lights are off and its all just plain and there is just sky scrapers. At night time you cannot really see the Flinder Street Tram Station where as at day time you can. Federation Square looks good day and night! Every day, I fall more and more in love with Melbourne and what it has to offer!

 

-Thank you for taking your time to read my first journal on this blog. It means so much to me because it took me a while to write and I put a lot of thinking and a lot of effort into this piece of writing. This was all set at the amazing 5 star hotel, CROWN Towers, 3rd October, Melbourne, AU, 2013. It was an amazing experience for me and it was a little imaginative but I still like this piece of writing though.